sticks and stones

I have on my ‘to-do’ list for today a letter to be written to a graduate encouraging him in his walk of faith as he steps further into manhood, heading into college. I’m kind of vacillating between giving a short lesson from the book of Psalms, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word” (Psalm 119:9), and between one from Proverbs, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (Proverbs 9:10).

James writes much about our words –their impact on lives and specifically in chapter three, he says, “The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell…. but no [mere] human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:6, 8-10).

That little idiotic phrase we learned in elementary school applies here: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

How misguided and utterly false that sentence truly is! If ever we’ve suffered verbal abuse or received a slanderous remark, or experienced public shame on social media, then many of us know how difficult it is to release those words from our minds and to live out from under their oppressive shadow. Bones will heal in time, but the mind once broken is nearly impossible to ever set straight again. This is a work mended only by the Spirit of God (and I don’t think I’m over-stating that).

Verse 8 is typically translated "...but no human being can tame the tongue" (James 3:8). Commentaries will add the word "merely" in order to gain the true sentiment of what James is saying... that this is a Spirit-working process in the life of the believer. If we are to tame the tongue --learning to govern what we say to one another, then we must be led by the Spirit. In seminary, the catch phrase was "be characterized by" the Spirit; my profs liked that verbiage better than saying, "being controlled by" the Spirit. The idea comes from Ephesians 5 and walking in the Light, which serves as an illustration for a lifestyle that's lived according to the character and likeness of the Spirit who works with the believer as well as within the believer in the on-going process of sanctification.

Chapter 3 ends with a list that defines the Spirit-filled life, “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:17-18). Though he does not name the third Member of the Triune God here in this passage, surely this list is a refence to the work of the Holy Spirit within the heart of the believer as they grow to reflect Christ. When we are characterized by such attitudes, then our words will align themselves with the heartbeat of God and we will be able to tame the tongue in the power of the Spirit.

Wonder of wonders, the gift of human speech! How impactful our words can be! What we say can last a lifetime. So when given the opportunity to encourage a young man on his way to maturity, I want to say the right kinds of things in order to build him up in the Christian Faith, knowing that my words could remain in his noggin for a very long time.

In fact, this applies to every conversation I might have with anyone I ever talk with… letter to a graduate or otherwise. Do my words reflect Christ or nullify Christ within? Do I edify and build up or criticize and tear down? Am I known for my encouragement and helpful insights, or am I a source of discouragement and discord? Do I speak the truth in love or does my inner disdain and prejudice shout louder than the truth I’m trying to say? Do my words present a beautiful harmony, or am I nothing more than a clanging cymbal, like nails scratching on a chalkboard?

The measure of our maturity is known by the wisdom in our words.